There is no question that emergency personnel see a lot of horrible things. I certainly have a handful of calls and images that will never leave my head. Although I also have plenty of good ones too. We see people often on their very worst day. One of the ways we cope with that is knowing that we are the helpers. We are the ones who are trying to make it better or easier and most of the time we succeed, even if not to the level we aspire to. Even when the outcome isn't what we hoped for we know that we gave it all we could and in the aftermath continued to help in whatever way we can.
But it's not just the ones who call 9-1-1 that we see go through awful events in their lives, it's each other. Unlike any other job we live with our coworkers. A third of our lives are spent together. Our lives are often shared on a level that most won't experience in their jobs. I've seen countless divorces (including my own). I've seen guys lose spouses, parents, and even children. I've seen guys burnout and guys muster up the courage to go through rehab. I've seen guys battle cancer (including my own to a degree); I've seen guys lose that battle too. I've seen guys struggle with injuries (my own included here too) and fight to recover and come back from them. I've seen guys retired out early due to injury wonder what they will do now.
What I've never seen in my career is someone not being supported in whatever they are going through. If an effort is made to reach out for help, someone will be there to grab that hand. Guaranteed. You just have to be able to ask which may be the hardest task we will ever undertake.
The fire service is called a family and we refer to each other as brothers and sisters. And though I may not be close enough to a lot of people to mean that with all of it's literal sincerity, there are some I hold that dear. But in a time of crisis, those labels hold true, for all of us.
The issue of mental health, emotional fatigue, and ptsd in the fire service has become a much bigger topic in the last several years. In my career we have always had the option of CISD (critical incident stress debriefing) after harrowing calls if it's needed. But again, being the one to say they need help or something extra is very hard to do. Suicide rates amongst emergency service personnel are very much on the rise. But even that still seems abstract...until it hits close to home. I know the stats. I understand the whys. But I didn't know how it would feel, the questions it would raise, the hole it would leave.
Brothers. Sisters. Family.
We share a good portion of our lives, but you can never really know what someone is going through inside. No matter how close you are.
So, how do you help? That's what we do, what we chose to do with our lives, and what we want to do, help. I don't have an answer to that question unfortunately. Other than continue to check in with each other. Always say you're there to help if needed. I think we all know it, but actually say it. The more a thing is repeated the more it becomes cemented in our brain. And the simple act of caring, reaching out, can make a huge difference.
I once had a member call me out of the blue to let me know he was available to me if I needed anything because he'd heard I was going through a rough time. That's amazing. It turns out he had me and another guy mixed up but it didn't matter, I still felt so grateful that he took the time to reach out and would have been there for me if I did need help. And I know now that if I ever need to I can go to him with anything. Experiencing that in a time when I may not have needed it, as opposed to mid-crisis, boosted my spirits immensely just knowing that support was available.
I want to express my deepest thanks and admiration to all those in my department who have gone through the CISD training, peer counseling training, grief support training, our chaplains, or anyone who puts themselves out there as a go to for anyone who feels that they are struggling. Your services and time may be invaluable, so thank you.
And to anyone who is struggling please remember that you can come to ANY of us at anytime. Fire stations are staffed 24/7, you can always reach someone. And you are welcome to call me or anyone else at anytime and we will do everything we can to assist you.
You are family.
