A Toast To A Job Well Done

What is going on behind closed doors on your quiet, tree lined, suburban street in the middle of the night? You honestly just don't know.

I still don't know all the details of how this one unfolded, but here it is from my perspective and pieced together the best I could.

A third party called the police to report an assault in a house in a residential neighborhood, unknown address. Police respond to the neighborhood and find a twenty-something hispanic male wandering the streets with a bloody lip. He is intoxicated and Spanish speaking only but is able to lead them to a house where he claims he got into a fight. We are cleared to enter and this is what we find:

The homeowner is a larger man in his late forties-ish wearing a bath robe. He is inebriated but only enough to be beligerent to the police which, all arguments regarding the Occupy movement aside, is pretty much never a good idea. There is a bookcase knocked askew and a few items scattered on the floor giving credence to the claim of a scuffle. There is a kitchen table inside and a patio table outside both covered in wine bottles and other liquor bottles (good stuff too). And curled up on the living room floor, completely hammered, is another twenty something hispanic male with his pants undone and down around his ankles. As I started assessing the guy on the floor, the homeowner again started getting feisty with the cops and me, so I stepped back for a minute to be on guard. It was at this point that I looked down the hall and saw a tripod with video camera attached set up in the bedroom.


We removed the patients from the house for treatment and ambulance transport and let the cops deal with the homeowner.

So, the best we could figure out from the drunken patients was that they were landscapers who had just completed work on a job in this man's backyard and he invited them to have a drink and celebrate before they left, which they did. And then they had another and another and another. The first guy must have fallen asleep or passed out and then awoke to find his partner on the floor with his pants down being spooned by the homeowner in the bathrobe.


You could say, he freaked out a little and that is when he and the homeowner got into their scuffle, during which he was hit in the mouth. He then fled the house (leaving his partner behind) and called his or the other guys' girlfriend who then called the cops who called us in.

One thing that struck me as odd (one thing?) was that, as rude and uncooperative as the homeowner was and the seemingly obvious nature of what had gone down, as far as I could tell, the police just let him be, cleared out and said goodnight. It could be that they had to wait until they could talk further with the landscapers, get statements, and find out if they wanted to press charges before anything further could be done but I kind of doubt that will happen.

Suburbia...what are you gonna do?